Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
