You're completely useless in the revolution.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
