So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
