HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
