I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
