dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Boobs are out for the taking
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
