I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
