I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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