I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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