My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
