Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
