so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
