Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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