what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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