Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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