mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
