i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
