Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
