I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
