God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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