I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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