why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Drunk is a universal language darling
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
