I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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