Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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