I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
