I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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