That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
