I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I want you more than these girls want KFC
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
