There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
