Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
