Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize