We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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