I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
