what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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