on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
