TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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