she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize