saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
