I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
