I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
