Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
