Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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