she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
