My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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