I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
