Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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