VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
