my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Randomize
