If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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