I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
