Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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