He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
