I think I died a long time ago.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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