I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
