Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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