what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
