Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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