can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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