her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
