My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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