Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
