i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
