Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
