Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I want is dick and wine.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
