ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize