Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
