Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
being pregnant is like rehab
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
