Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
