I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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