I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
