Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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