I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
