she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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