Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
