saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize