And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
