my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
