I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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