I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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