btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
