Already got asked if we're dating
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
