I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
