I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
