Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
even my farts smell like vagina
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
So vagazzling was a success
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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