She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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