your room smells of hookers.
And success
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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