a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
