just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
